You’re doing your thing and getting over the breakup. You have the option of mentioning how you have already tried to solve the problem. I tried this once and it worked! 33 members in the language_lesson community. “Even though it looks like the person is asking an open-ended question, we treat it as a closed-ended question, in which ‘good’ or ‘fine’ is all that is ... preferred/expected,” Butler wrote. You might even cut to the chase and ask if they're free this weekend. I've gone out of my way to look like an idiot and smile at them forcibly over the last couple months. If someone is “fine,” … She giggled and dragged him away. “Health and whether a person is sick or not is monumental right now,” says Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor at Georgetown University and the author of You’re the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women’s Friendships. Today I’m going to show you some more creative ways to ask and answer “How are you?” in English. You?”. Once you know what kind of information you need and who to ask, you have to ask your questions in a manner that gets the best possible information in response. It’s subconscious. All of a sudden, a single text brings so many emotions flooding back, all without prior warning. Make sure you recognize this soon by directly asking this question and be cautious to ask a few questions or ask them at the right time. Sally ordered the wrong color! I somehow just stood there and responded "I'm sorry, it won't happen again". no doubt this is annoying but these are our options. Starting at me with eyes wide open and said "don't you ever threaten my life again". Let’s take a look at those before I get into how to respond to an ex asking how you are. Glad to be here with you. I used to say, “look through the pages and make any changes.” They would groan and reluctantly take the paperwork, or just complain about it. The “How are you?” “I’m fine” exchange has typically been a bit of a deceptive one. So when they ask, if you don’t feel like answering directly, don’t. He is Derren Brown though so I wouldn't recommend this to everyone, Derren Brown also suggests, for example. I see the same 6-7 people every morning from a pool of about 10. Thanks for caring! First, reflect on what you want. Stories Questions: Your manager has experience and faced several challenges, asking him about his difficulties, aims and aspirations will let you … Read: Humans are too optimistic to comprehend the coronavirus. This moment has laid bare the extent to which “How are you?” is a mere pleasantry and not an honest inquiry in search of an honest answer. Or what was ruined because too many people started doing it? Employers can also ask you … #12 She’ll finally ask you out. asks how a person has been doing lately.. We need better questions to ask. It is usually a prompt for the other person to find out more and try to make you feel better. “Are you looking at my girl?” “Sorry, she reminded me of my sister. Tech support scams are an industry-wide issue where scammers trick you into paying for unnecessary technical support services. Offering a hug or a handshake is no longer a polite way to greet someone. By agreeing with their anger they are more open to listen too you. Derren replied with "the wall outside my house is four feet tall." The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Fulfilling the expectation to say you’re “fine” when your life is even just a little less fine than usual can be hard. For example, if you're out to coffee or lunch, your friend may not want other people to hear their response, even if they're strangers. If you’re greeting someone you truly care about, greet them in a way that shows you are genuinely asking about their life. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. As Emily Rine Butler, who teaches linguistics at the University of Florida, explained to me in an email, the dialogue is an “adjacency pair,” or a short two-person script that is performed in a particular order. If she musters up the courage to ask you out, give her some credit. If you're not afraid of slipping down the Reddit advice hole, check the compilation below at your own risk - you might get addicted to these top Reddit questions and answers quickly. The innocuous “How are you?” at the start of a conversation—which is normally understood in American culture to be a polite way of expressing concern for a person’s well-being, and to which the socially agreed-upon response is “I’m good,” “I’m fine,” or “I’m doing well”—hits differently in the COVID-19 era. Asking amazing great questions is skill like any other skill, it takes practice. No?” “Sorry she looked like someone I went to school with, my apologies”. You then use words to describe their feelings starting out at a 10.."fucking pissed" and gradually bringing those descriptive words and your tone down to a 2 "annoying", Works pretty much every time but there might be a little up n down in the middle just follow the person's lead while always being a level below them. Given that the particular stress of the current moment stems from illness, this is also probably the worst possible time to be a society that uses “How are you?” “I’m fine” as the standard two-person greeting. “How are you?” “I’m fine, thank you.” Do you find yourself saying these phrases again and again? As Lizzie Post pointed out, Emily Post wrote in the 1920s that the correct response to “How do you do?” was always something along the lines of “I’m doing well, thank you,” even if the respondent was in fact completely miserable. The idea is that it puts the aggravated person on the back foot and takes them out of that adrenaline filled state. Here’s why they ask: First off, instead of simply asking How are you?, friend B asks a slightly different question: How have you been doing? Keeping your distance from a friend you see at the grocery store and crossing the street when you encounter another person on the sidewalk are now among the most considerate things you can do. That is not a question, but the person asked can respond if they want. By default, none smile and maybe 3 make eye contact. How are you? A genuine question of concern. But when you think you’re ready for the next step, it’s important to say so. Now I say, “ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is make changes.” Saying it that way makes them think it’s not much to do and they take the clipboard without complaint. I'm fine. Patients hate updating their paperwork. “What’s been on your mind lately?” suggests openness to a deeper conversation. Tannen is partial to “What am I interrupting?” as a conversation starter for phone calls. Are we really going to paper over these grim truths with the usual, compulsorily breezy “I’m good! As you can see, Kate said, “It’s fine,” when it really wasn’t fine at all. 2. Just imagine... if someone walks into you twice a year and both times you smile and greet them enthousiastically, they will think of you as a nice person. “Hi!” the other person says back. Feels good. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. Don't be afraid to ask them if they're okay. If you want them to keep talking, keep your own mouth shut. Saying hello to everybody you know, and with a smile. 5. 1. Sometimes it hurts to the core. I work front desk in a medical office. To ask “How are you?” is either to make the conversation very gloomy, very fast or to force someone to lie straight to your face and say they’re fine. Is the best line I’ve got for defusing ye olde boyfriend question. I've started doign this on the walk to work. Emily Post may have agreed, then, that the expectations around “How are you?” should change when the question is inviting discomfort and heartache instead of lively dialogue. Meanwhile, Butler recommends “Are you still holding up okay?,” which can work as a succinct check-in before moving the discussion to other matters: It tacitly acknowledges the circumstances but nudges the respondent toward a succinct yes-or-no (or “More or less!”) answer. When you’re talking to someone, they will naturally fill silence. Better yet, greet them in a … You’ll also like 28 Phrases to Feel Comfortable in English Conversations. Asking for a promotion can be nerve-wracking. Just say “Hey X! Only use this response if you want to talk about your sickness or illness with the person. Upright and still breathing. I am AWAP (As Well As Possible) 3. I darted around him and sprinted as fast as I could. In my own conversations, I like to go with “What’s your day been like so far?,” which moves the long-term circumstances into the backdrop and asks for only a small, trivial morsel of information. It’s what’s on everybody’s mind.” Tannen points out that in certain parts of Asia, a common greeting exchange goes something like “Have you eaten yet?” “Yes, I’ve eaten rice.” Asking “How are you?” out of politeness during a pandemic is like asking “Have you eaten yet?” during a famine: Not only does the question draw all involved parties’ attention to the terrible circumstances at hand, but the expectation of a polite response negates the possibility of an actually informative answer. They may then ask you more questions and show sympathy for how you are feeling. The difference is that while How are you? This is useful if you’re ever in a verbal altercation. I was in a rather run down and empty mall and had been to the make-up counter where the girl put a horrid orange lipstick on me. You can help protect yourself from scammers by verifying that the contact is a Microsoft Agent or Microsoft Employee and that the phone number is an official Microsoft global customer service number. Here are some techniques to draw out what you need to know. She probably likes you enough to potentially face the embarrassment of being rejected. How are you? If we want to take the extra step to show our loved ones that we’re really asking, though, and not just greeting them as we might have done in normal times, reaching for a question that more explicitly asks after their emotional or psychological well-being might help. He didn't know what to do. Derren Brown said that once there was a muscley drunk guy that wanted to beat him up and said the classic "what are you looking at." Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. And if the perfect line doesn't strike you right away, don't worry. She also encouraged young women to disregard her earlier advice not to write “impulsive” letters to their “boy friends,” now that many of those boy friends were fighting in the war. If I were you, that’s a bold move that’s worthy of at least a … Our jobs, and really our entire financial futures, are in jeopardy. She's gorgeous". If you build a close enough connect with a customer (someone that is buying your product) and can guess they are the type of person to use reddit (for example the largest Reddit demographic is 18 - 29 year old males) then instead of asking them to write a blog post about you or refer to friends you can ask them to post on reddit. Just keep this apology format on hand to help things return to normal as soon as possible if and when you eventually need it. “How are you?” I ask next, out of habit. Saying “I’m fine” when the honest answer is “I’m sleepless, tense, and full of dread because my whole life is oriented toward trying desperately not to catch a deadly disease” can feel like an outright farce. Samaira on May 18, 2018: I didn’t think it would work, because I could see someone being so intent that it simply doesn’t, but...worked for me! Sometimes they're cruel for no obvious reason. But the word “fine” is often used to mean “good enough.” It’s not great, but it will work. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. There’s a video somewhere about ‘Verbal Jui-Jitsu”: which is the art of defusing conflict before it starts. Instead of asking someone the trite "How are you" say "Hope you are doing well". If you want to talk, pick a time when it's just the two of you. And then we both spend a long moment gazing directly into the abyss. Everyone we know is in danger. “Hi!” I say. In other words, employers can still ask about how much you made in annual bonuses if you are in sales or other commissions-based sectors. People are sick and dying in alarming numbers all around us. Ask before you help Just because someone has a disability, don’t assume she needs help. Wrap up your response with “Thanks for asking. (Just answer with the same question) 4. At least 7 of those people now smile back when they see me every morning. Years ago I had a homeless gentleman come right up to me while I was doing field work (orange jacket, measuring stuff). 5. Often people who know eachother from when they were in primary school or just from the block when they were young give eachother an awkward smile instead of an happy goodday! He got confused, then backed down and left, I was in a pub one time, and I was checking out a cute girl that was walking past, and her boyfriend said "What are you looking at?". I replied "Your girlfriend. The coronavirus pandemic and its effects are dramatic and widespread enough that it’s safe to assume everyone’s life has changed for the worse in some way. One of the kindest gestures we can extend to others in a time like this is to make clear that they don’t have to pretend they’re fine. It’s the little things that make life at my office easier, How to de-escalate an incredible upset mental health patient who is either unknown or prone to violence (though it works on most anyone), If they are at a level 10 you come in at a level 7. There is, however, precedent for adjusting what’s customary or polite in extraordinary times. How are we? Start with "what do you NOT want?". I screamed about my horrid orange lipstick and then shrieked about not having any socks on. I had to walk down a looooong, very dimly-lit hallway in the main section of the mall outside the department store to get to a restroom to wipe it off. Sometimes a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. So little effort for a person to find you friendly! Anyways he sat down and the guy started crying to him about his gf. Also it is an expression of positive good will towards the person you are speaking to. Why Employers Ask What Other Companies You’re Interviewing With: There are a couple of reasons why interviewers love to ask if you’re interviewing anywhere else, or what other companies you’re interviewing with. Perhaps you tell the professor you have already searched the syllabus, asked a classmate, sought tutoring help. But clearly she also understood that sometimes the rules have to be reversed or relaxed in accordance with the times. 65.3k votes, 16.2k comments. 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